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If you don’t have a chronic illness, don’t talk about your spoons

The Secret Reason I am Not Gaming Anymore Won’t Surprise Some.

It is also why I don’t have the stuff to make videos and why I don’t finish my homework or clean up my office, bedroom, or yard. Mine is invisible and insidious, diagnosed as “neuralgia” which means basically “nerve pain we cannot explain or legally verify.”

Disabled, but denied disability, so a burden on my family, church, and friends.
Dependent on my disabled son and overworked underpaid wife.
Mental illness fueled by invisible wings of fire sprouting from between my shoulder blades with roots stabbing into my spine.

Pot holes and big rigs.

I cannot even face my truly officially disabled friends and family.

Poser.

Faker.

Bum.

Nobody says it. Maybe nobody thinks it. But I hear it all the same.

sewbiwan

EDIT May 18th, 2017:Several people have written to ask if they “count” as a spoonie because they have a mental illness like anxiety or depression. Yes, yes! It’s right now 6am in Seattle, and I’m about to leave on a trip with my husband to California to visit the Stanford Infectious Disease Clinic, where Jose Montoya is doing research into what causes Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I’m going to be a new patient, and see if they have any treatments that might help me. I’ll be back on Saturday, and I want to write more about this, but in the meantime, I want to apologize for failing to clarify what I mean by “chronic illness”. ANY chronic condition that causes fatigue, is a chronic illness. I’ve lived with panic disorder for over a decade, I’m painfully aware of the fatigue that it can cause. Depression, cancer, anything that is chronic…

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